Second Time To Die To Live
by Lightan117
Summary: "In the long run, the sharpest weapon of all is a kind and gentle spirit." — Anne Frank. I died for them, gave my life to free all those before me and after me. For that act I am given a new life where I must define my mark on this world and show those stubborn enough, that where you find happiness, you'll fine where you really belong. Something that gold cannot give. That's love.
1. Prologue

Hello everyone and welcome to 'Second Time To Die; To Live'. It's completely different and I've thought long and hard. I'm still writing my other fanfics but this I wanted to get this down. Things have been hard for me lately but I hope you all understand. Updates will be random so it might be a while until the next chapter.

So, with that bit said, I hope you all enjoy this first chapter!

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything except my OC's.**

~oOo~

"_'I will show you fear in a hand full of dust.' T.S. Elliot. We don't actually fear death. We fear that – no one will notice our absence. That we will disappear without a trace."_

Taking a road less traveled can certainly lead to a most unwelcome ending. It's like, walking towards a cliff but continue on over it because no one else has taken that path. Once you take that first step there is no going back. And I stepped over that edge, free-falling into something I cannot see a head of me.

Or rather, below me.

For I am changing fate and destiny...

Breaking the chains...

Lifting a 'curse'...

All for the sacrifice for my life, so that my twin can life a happy life. On my mother's side of the family there is a curse, put on us for the longest time that no one really remembers how it came upon us. Our family is cursed with twins; bound together until death. One twin, cursed with heart cancer at an early age, is all but perfect and normal while the other is branded with abnormal traits. A freak of nature with different color eyes or hair, making their life just a bit harder. Some are even granted gifts of power.

When the times comes, and the twin with cancer dies unless the other gives up their heart, their life in order for the perfect twin to life. No one in my family has been unselfish, willing to die to break the curse, to free everyone. In times past many twins have died and continued on, having twins of their own just so one can die. Blaming the living twin for not saving, for being selfless, and for doing the right thing.

Until now.

I'm breaking the chains, breaking all the rules because I'm someone no one will miss. I'm the unseen twin that is shunned for the curse on her. My mother and grandmother all have abnormal traits that benefit them while mine only gets me pushed aside like yesterdays trash. One of my eyes are different, golden in color, while the other remains a perfectly normal brown.

Then there's dirt...

The moving, whispering, protecting, dirt I can move at will. Ever since I was a young child I always was fascinated with the earth. Colors, texture, sound, and everything else about it made me feel connected to it. It also make me realize that I will never have a normal life like my twin.

My twin would have everything perfectly made, just for her.

And while she stays in the spot light, smiling and laughing with her new family, I will merely fade into the background. Waiting for the day I make my choice and when I do I know what my answer will be even before the doctors call to tell my sister she's dying.

I love my sister.

I want her to live.

That's why I must die, in order for her to live.

"Mallory! Get inside, right now! You could get sick and delay the surgery!" my mother cried once she found out where I was. The roof of our house, sitting in the pouring rain, enjoy the numbness of it all before I'll never feel rain ever again on my skin. Will I feel anything when I die?

"Yes mother." I answered with little to no emotion. They don't deserve to see me smile, hear my laugh, listen to my thoughts. All they've ever seen me was nothing. Nothing but a shadow of my beautiful twin.

"Do you know what is at risk here? You're sister's life! She has a husband, two sons; twins no less, and people who love her! Why are you putting something so important in jeopardy!?" She shouted as I crawled through the window since the door hasn't been fixed in years.

Does she even understand what I'm doing?

What I'm dying for?

"I'm sorry mother. I'll get dressed and we'll leave for the hospital after that. Is this all right?" My mother sighed, pinched the bridge of her nose before walking out of my room.

Soon to be old room.

I dressed in comfy clothes, mostly sweatpants and an oversized t-shirts. I took one last look around my room for the last time. Mostly everything has been left untouched except for a few things. I don't know what they'll do with my stuff when I'm gone. They can do anything they wish, I got rid of all the things I don't want them to touch. After one more look I grabbed my hoodie, walking out of the door. My last car ride was filled of talk of my sister. What will she do next when she gets better? More children? Adventures?

For her, she has a tomorrow.

For me, I have today.

The hospital smelt the same as always. Clean, old and sick and the dying, cleaner smell, and the faint smell of flowers. Flower. I wonder if I'll see any flowers after I die? Will they smell the same? Will they have different colors? Questions rattled in my head as we rode the elevator to my sisters floor. Rachel's room is decorated with get well cards, pictures, flowers, movies, and everything in-between to make her stay a little bit easy.

"Can I speak to Mallory, alone please?" Everyone, including me, snapped our heads to the sick woman lying on the bed.

"But, sweetheart..."

"Please, mother. I won't get to talk to her, ever again once today is over." Rachel said and pulled her cute card everyone buys.

"All right. Then I want to talk to you about your next project." Mother said with a smile and everyone left the room.

Leaving just the two of us alone.

"Already planning ahead sister? My, you certainly move fast. Will you even wait for the ashes to get cold? I hear a real burial is too strenuous on your poor health." I shot at her. I love her, but I don't really have to like her.

"Please, Mallory, I didn't want to send them away for us to argue. I really want to talk to you."

"Fine. Speak your peace. I have dying to do in a few hours." I said and sat in the chair seated next to her bed.

"You know," she started to cough and went on for a minute before it stopped. "you don't have to do this. You can go, live your life, do anything you want but you chose to stay. To break the curse."

"I'm not just doing this to break the damn curse." I hissed at her.

"What?"

"You have two little twin boys out there Rachel. If I leave, the curse falls on them next. Michel already is coming into it and Riley will soon follow with signs of heart cancer. I'm doing this for those boys and for myself. I want freedom from this family and this is the only way I'll leave my mark with this family." I explained to her.

"You've always left your mark." Rachel said with a sad face.

"Not mine, yours. Your pictures, your awards, your trophies. You know how this works Rachel. One in favor of the other and Michel will end up just like me."

"No he won't."

"Don't lie to yourself Rach because you know it's true. Already he's picked on at school and mother dearest is spoiling Riley like no tomorrow. Michel has pointed ears and can move things, that is not normal. Mother isn't normal either and even she can't hide who she really is." I argued with her and the look on her face made me believe that she's starting to understand that not only is her life on the losing end but so are both her sons.

"Then be free." She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "No one is holding you to anything and I'm sorry for what you went through. For everything and for everyone. "

"Then promise me that you'll treat both boys equally."

"I promise."

She's my sister.

No matter what she's done.

No matter what she is.

She's the only family, besides my grandmother, to actually care for me.

To ask if I'm okay.

Then the time came to die...

They say, when you die your whole life will flash in moving pictures in front of your eyes. The again, no one has died for more than a few days and has come back to life. Or that your reincarnation can remember their past life. I could care less. I just want to be free.

"Your going to feel a slight pinch then you'll start to fall asleep." The doctor explained. "What you're going is very brave."

"I know. I'm not scared of dying actually. I'm looking forward to it." I said, my voice void of all emotion as they prepped for the procedure. The doctor looked at me then continued on with his work.

I wanted this over with.

I wanted the waiting to be done.

I want to be free.

"Inserting needle now." There was a slight pinch like they said, and a cooling feeling spread slowly through me. Then I felt myself slip away...

At first, everything started to hurt slowly as things went numb. First my toes then my fingers tips, then it got harder to breathe. It felt like someone was squeezing my lungs slowly as the heart machine beeped slower and slower. I closed my eyes at the last minute, picturing myself swinging on my wooden swing, trying to go higher and higher. When I got high enough I would jump off, close my eyes...

And fly...

~oOo~

There you have it! The first chapter! Please review and let me know what you think!


	2. Awake

Hello everyone and welcome back for another chapter! A big thank you to those who reviewed...

**Littlemissthunderbird**

**ccgnme**

**ElynFlame**

**I'mSufferingOfCerealBoredom**

And a really big thank you to those who favorite and are following this story. Nothing much really to say except I hope you all like this chapter, letting me know at the end how everything goes. If I portray the characters as not themselves, please let me know and I will work on it.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my OC**

Enjoy!

~oOo~

Coughing up dirt, hurts.

Even more so, when you should have been dead.

Drinking heaven martinis with dead famous people.

But no.

I seem to be alive.

At first, I panicked a bit, let's be honest. Things were dark and I was confused. When I realized where I was, I knew I had to get out. I pounded, banged, and screamed out in frustration until I could feel the lid start to crack, giving way. Dirt then poured in and I took a deep breath, crawling and climbing to the surface with everything I had. As I broke from the surface, coughing up the cool morning air, shivering at the feel of the damp wet grass, I tried to catch my breath and get my head clear. I struggled to sit up, hissing as something tugged in my chest. Looking down I noticed that my clothes had changed into a dark blue dress and sandals. Pulling aside the neck I found a white X sitting over the place where my heart would be. I placed my hand over it and yelped when I felt something thud against my hand.

A heartbeat...

No, no that can't be right. I shouldn't have a heartbeat because I don't have a heart. I gave it away. I broke the curse. I should be free...

"Ah, it seems that I have arrived right on time. Usually, I'm late according to some who know me all too well." A voice said and I snapped my head around to see a very old man dressed in gray robes. His long grayish white beard and hair are long, and he carried a long twisted walking staff with a soft smile on his lips.

He seems familiar but I can't place it...

"Who are you? Where am I? I'm supposed to be dead!" I said all in one breath, trying to get to my feet but failed, groaning in pain as I feel back to my knees.

"Yes, you should be but it seems fate has another plan in store for you my dear." He said grabbing my arm and helping me to my feet. Once I stood he placed a hand on my forehead, sending something through my body to rid of any pain I was feeling.

"How...how did you make the pain go away?" I asked him in a tired, croaky voice. The old man chuckled and took my arm, like he was escorting me.

"All in time my dear. I will explain what I know on our way to my destination." He said and we began our walk.

A quiet walk...

A walk towards a place I didn't question because I couldn't...

I just wanted to be away from my grave I just crawled out of...

~oOo~

"So, you're telling me I'm in a book?" I asked the supposed Gandalf the Gray from the book The Hobbit. I read that book years ago in high school. Found it pretty good but it was only a one time read.

"According to you, yes, but to me, you are in a simply different world. A world that brought you here for a reason not aware to you now but will make an appearance sooner or later." He said.

"Then I'm in Middle Earth right? In a place of magic and magical creatures?" I asked him with a smile that caused him to laugh out loud as the terrain changed into a dirt road.

"Yes, this is a place of magic and magical creatures. Now, I assume you are under the knowledge of the future?" I nodded my head. "Then I must warn you that anything you change might change your future as well."

"I kind of figured but thank you for the warning anyway." I said and chuckled. We continued on the dirt road for a while, small homes built into the roaming hills of the Shire started to appear as we came over a large hill. I gasped in awe of the beauty of what was in front of me. Everything seemed to be a dream but it isn't.

It's real.

This is life...

"Wow."

"The Shire, home to hobbits from generations and generations of families. Never known for anything but for their large stomachs, generous hospitality, and quiet people. You'll never find more quite and interesting bunch." Gandalf said we continued down the road, minding our own if any of the hobbits looked at us strangely. It only took us a few turns until we reached a small hobbit hole with a nicely dressed hobbit sitting outside his hole, smoking his pipe. He puffed a smoke ring that Gandalf walked through, turning it into a butterfly, lying back towards the hobbit. He gasped and opened his eyes, surprised to see us, looking around before addressing us.

"Good morning." He said. I was about to open my mouth but the 'wizard' beat me to it.

"What do you mean? Do you wish me a good morning or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not? Or perhaps you mean to say that you feel good on this particular morning? Or are you simply stating that this is a morning to be good on? Hm?" Gandalf spoke and even his words made my head ache. I slapped my forehead and groaned.

"All of them at once, I suppose." The hobbit answered and Gandalf hmmed. He gave the hobbit a funny look that made the hobbit move about his bench awkwardly before speaking again. "Can I help you?"

"That remains to be seen." Gandalf answered. "I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure."

"An adventure?" The hobbit almost seems surprised and disgusted with the idea, making me smile almost. For such a small fellow, he certainly has no spine. "No, I don't imagine anyone west of Bree would have much interest in adventures." The hobbit got up and walked a short distance to his mailbox. "Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things. Make you late for dinner. Heh, heh." He answered and my smile grew into somewhat of a smirk. Oh, if that poor bastard knew what really was out there. Then again, he could be a stiff. Yeah, a stiff. That's what he is. The hobbit then became more uncomfortable when we didn't move an inch so he said good morning once again, turning around, almost bolting for the front door when he was stopped by Gandalf.

"To think I should have lived to be 'good morninged' by Belladonna Took's son as if I were selling buttons at the door." Gandalf said and I mentally slapped myself this time. Oh shit, that's right. Now I remember!

He's Bilbo Baggins!

Still considered a stiff though in my mind.

"Beg your pardon?" Bilbo asked the wizard.

"You've changed, and not entirely for the better Bilbo Baggins."

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Bilbo asked, still unclear to who the tall old man standing next to me is.

"Well, you know my name, although you don't remember I belong to it. I'm Gandalf. And Gandalf means...me."

"Gandafl? Not Gandalf the wandering wizard who made such excellent fireworks? Old Took used to have them on Midsummer's Eve. Heh, heh. Ahem. No idea you were still in business." Bilbo said, continuing to puff his pipe in his hand.

"And where else should I be?" Gandalf asked and Bilbo got flustered, causing me to snort. Gandalf shot a look at me but I failed at keeping a smile at bay. "Well, I'm pleased to find you remember something about me...even if it's only my fireworks. Yes. Well, that's decided. It'll be very good for you, and most amusing for me. I shall inform the others." Gandalf ignored Bilbo and turned to me, reaching into his cloak to pull out a leather backpack with a dragon design etched into the flap.

"What's this?" I asked and took it from him.

"You don't want to go walking around in that dress do you? Everything you need is right in here. Don't worry about me peaking in there, it was given to me by a friend of mine. She says you'll need what's in here for our adventure." Gandalf said with a soft smile then looked over to the hobbit who was still talking.

"I suggest you try Over the Hill or Across the Water. Good morning." He said and went back inside his hole, slamming the door. Gandalf rolled his eyes and walked up to the door. He took his staff and carved some type of symbol on it. He put a finger to his lips after he looking into the window, guessing the curious hobbit might be checking to see if he's still out there.

"Now then, I'll be leaving you. Don't worry about Bilbo, he'll let you in once he knows you won't be a danger to him. You'll suspect me and the others sometime around dinner time. Make sure Bilbo has plenty of food. His guests are big eaters." Gandalf explained.

"Are these the dwarfs that will be coming here? I remember something about dwarfs." Gandalf chuckled and patted my head.

"Yes, yes. Now, I must run along or else we'll have thirteen dwarfs walking around the Shire." Gandalf said then turned to leave.

"Oh yes, heaven knows what dwarfs will do in a quiet place like this." I laughed and turned back to the hobbit door, taking a deep breath and knocking loudly.

"Go away! I said I didn't want any adventures!" Bilbo shouted through the door.

"Excuse me! Mr. Baggins?! I'm the woman with Gandalf and he...sort of left me here. I promise you that if you let me in I will polite, clean, and most gracious guest." There was no answer. "Mr. Baggins, I need your help too. I've...traveled a long way from home. I met Gandalf along the way and now that he's left I'm sort of on my own until he comes back and I need somewhere to stay until he does."

"Can you cook?" Came a voice from the other side of the door and I chuckled.

"What's on the menu Mr. Baggins?" I answered and the door opened.

"Fried fish with greens. If you're going to stay until he comes back you'll have to help with dinner. And the dishes too!'" He said and I smiled.

"I wouldn't have it any other way Mr. Baggins. May I come in?" I asked and the hobbit opened the door for me. As I entered I noticed that I didn't have to duck my head. Yay, my five foot height.

"You're awfully small for a human." Bilbo noted and stood in front of me.

"Mother's side of the family. Accent is from dad while my...eye is from my mother's side. There's a family condition where something's different about us." I said and Bilbo's eyes drew to my one golden one. I've gotten used to the stares of the years. It's different and people don't see different like mine everyday. "Is there somewhat I can freshen up? I don't want to smell bad or look awful while staying in your...hole?"

"Yes, of course, I don't mind. Down the hall to the right. It's the fourth door down." Bilbo said and he seemed to smile yet seemed on edge.

"Thank you Mr. Baggins. I promise you won't have any problems from me."

~oOo~

"Your accent, where is it from? Where is your home?" Bilbo asked and I got quiet as we walking into the small market in the Shire. Many of the hobbits stared at me as we walked but Bilbo didn't seem to mind.

"Well, my father cam from an island, call Britain. He then moved across the sea where he met my mother. I'm from a place called the United States, a place...very far away from here. My town, the place I grew up in is call Decorah. We're practically in the middle of the...country, well, almost, and when I got the chance to leave I took it. Now, I'm here, off on something that could maybe an adventure or maybe something boring." I spoke as Bilbo looked about as we bought food for dinner. He seemed on edge, as if looking for somebody.

Or a wizard.

"Sounds like a pleasant place to live." Bilbo said and I had a laugh.

"Oh yes, nothing really goes on there anyway. All quiet nights, excitement during the day with school kids, and there's festivals during the summer. Such a place it is..." I trailed off once it remembered the happy times. Where I wasn't afraid to show myself, to allow times of laughter and joy. But all those days are gone now.

They died when he did.

"Why did you leave?"

"Huh?"

"If it sounds so lovely, then why did you leave?" Bilbo asked, taking two whole fish from another hobbit who smiled, accepting the money Bilbo had, then thanking us. We smiled and continued on, buying a few more things while I tried to come up with a good answer.

"That life...wasn't for me I figured out. I need a change of pace, to see the world and to just...be free." I said. Bilbo began to open his mouth again but I interrupted him, asking him about the Shire and things to do here.

I didn't want to talk about home. It's no longer home for me because I don't have a home anymore. I've died. Nothing of that life belongs to me anymore besides my memories but I know that those will fade into nothing. I'll forget all those people who've hurt me, wronged me, and did nothing but make me feel like the dirt I move. Nothing I say or do will ever make me forgive them for what they did. I became the bigger person, broke the chains and freed them all from an unending nightmare. Only it seems as though my freedom came at a price too.

I woke up.

After we had gotten the food for dinner we went back to Bilbo's hole. Bilbo said to relax and will call me when he will start dinner. I told him thank you and went to collect my bag that Gandalf gave me. I changed into the relaxing dress, styled in a weird fashion with a vest over a short sleeved shirt. There's another pair of clothes, a long sleeved shirt with pants along with another vest. A pair of boots, a dark colored cloaked, a hair brush, ribbon for my hair, a pair of leather gloves, a belt, and...a leather bound book.

"What's this?" I said in a whisper. There was nothing written on it except for gold letters R.L. I opened it up and looked at the first page to see that the book was a journal of someone named Rin Locmire. The pages were old, dry and worn from the many years it took to fade the pages...

_January 1__st__, _

_Father gave me this book to write my thoughts and dreams. He wants me to write down everything I do because he wants there to be something of my life, of this town's life in case anything should happen. We're the only town in this part of the land where atop of our mountain that looks over us, lives a dragon. A mighty dragon all scales and fire. Father told me that a dragon, like the one atop of the mountain can give it's powers to anyone it deems worthy of. Whenever a child in our village turns of age, we are to climb the mountain, and offer a gift to the dragon too see if we are worthy. So far, one one is. My twin sister, Lynn, keeps boasting how she will get the dragons power and make everyone proud, I laugh at her. Sh only thinks of herself and she is perfection in my mother's eyes. Unlike me, I'm the child that is normal, invisible, and worth nothing. _

_Father says he sees something in me and he told me to never give up, when everyone has their backs turn to keep walking forward, keeping my voice loud and powerful. Father is the only one who understands. Understands what it's like...to be in my shoes..._

Rin...she's...her life...

"Mallory?" I snapped my head and turned to see that the clock read five o'clock. It's late and I've been staring at the old pages for hours. "It's time to make dinner."

"Oh, yeah, coming." I shoved the book back in my bag and followed Bilbo to the kitchen where we made fired fish and greens. I filled the plates while Bilbo finished up the poppy seed muffins from the oven. Once they were out, cooling in a bow on the windowsill, we sat down to eat dinner. Bilbo started to drizzle lemon over his fish when something unexpected happened to him while I was waiting for it ever since Gandalf left.

Someone was at the door.

~oOo~

Hello everyone! How did it go? Please let me know and leave a review. Thank you so much for reading!


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